Control
Chapter 5
Alexis
ushered Cameron into her apartment. She offered to fix him a drink. "I'm
drinking vodka," she told him. She had felt the need for it after reading
Peter's journal through twice.
Cameron
nodded. "Scotch, if you have it."
"I
have it." Alexis gestured to the couch then moved to the wet bar. She
poured a measure of scotch into a chunky glass, grabbed her own glass of
vodka, then moved to the couch. She sat down next to Cameron and gave him his
glass. "I’m sorry," she stated.
"About
what?"
Alexis
took a sip of her drink before replying. "It must have been hard to read
the truth. To face the fact that Peter wasn't the perfect son you thought he
was. And perhaps it was even harder for you to accept that Zander wasn't the
worthless screw up you thought he was."
Cameron
downed his scotch in one swallow, banged the empty glass down on the coffee
table, then stood up and began to pace. "I don't know if I believe any of
it," he stated. "Did you notice that the entries end a month before
Peter died?"
"I
noticed." Alexis swallowed the remainder of he drink and had to force
herself not to get up and pour another. She needed a clear head right now. For
both their sakes. "Several pages were ripped out. Given how progressively
horrific the entries were, I shudder to think what it was Peter tore
out."
"Maybe
Peter didn't," Cameron countered. "Maybe Alexander did it."
Alexis
felt a headache coming on and she rubbed her temples. "Bullshit!"
she shot back. "You know what you read was the truth, Cameron. Peter was
a manipulative, scheming, deceitful and malicious young man. He used Zander to
keep himself out of trouble. He set him up to take the fall with you over and
over again and just sat back to watch the show. And you performed
brilliantly...didn't you?"
Cameron
rubbed a hand over his face then dropped into a nearby chair. "If it was
true, why didn't Alexander come to me?"
"Are you kidding me?" Alexis laughed, a bitter sound. "How can
you even ask that after the way you treated Zander? Why would he tell you
anything? And if he had...would you have believed him?"
"No."
The admission was forced out of Cameron and he nearly choked on it.
"No…I would not have believed him."
Alexis
sighed. "So what do we do now? How are we going to help your son? Or do
you even want to help him?"
Cameron shrugged. "Would it matter if I did? Alexander hates me. He would
never let me help him."
"So
that's it? You're not even going to bother to try?" Alexis let anger wash
over her. "You're pathetic. You're a fucking psychiatrist but you can't
help your own child? Why do you hate him so much, Cameron? What the hell did
Zander ever do to you to make you treat him the way you do?"
"He
was born!" Cameron snarled, then he buried his face in his hands.
Alexis
was stunned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Cameron
didn't reply for a long moment, then he lifted his head and locked eyes with
Alexis. "I didn't want another child. Peter was enough. He was everything
I had hoped for in a son. But my wife...she wanted a child for herself. She
would tell me that Peter was her gift to me but she wanted a son she could
spoil. I told her we didn't have the time, or the need, for another child. But
she tricked me. She was taking birth control pills, or so I believed. When she
told me she was pregnant I hit the roof. I ordered her to get an
abortion."
"Oh
god!" Alexis was horrified. "You wanted to kill your own child? What
the hell kind of monster are you?"
"I'm
not a monster!" Cameron shot back. "I just...I wanted a perfect
family and another child would ruin that. But my wife refused to do what I
wanted and, once I calmed down, I realized how wrong I had been to ask that of
her."
Alexis
shook her head at what she was hearing. "What about your wife? What kind
of mother was she?"
Cameron
sighed. "You see...that's the rub. She really didn't want to take care of
another child. She wasn't really mother material. She liked the idea of having
children more than the reality of it. Planning parties and doing charity works
was more her thing. She was a social butterfly and in her glory when she was
involved with such things. With Peter and Alexander she was short-tempered
when she had to be with them for more than a few minutes at a time. Once they
were older and self sufficient it was better. But her love for them was
superficial. All show."
"So from the moment he was born, Zander wasn't wanted," Alexis
whispered. "Do you know how heartbreakingly sad that is?" Alexis
found herself blinking back tears. "It does help to explain why Peter was
able to manipulate him so completely though. It's like he would say over and
over again. Zander just wanted to be loved. You wouldn't give him that so he
took whatever his brother offered him. Even when that meant sleeping with
Peter's girlfriend." That part of the journal had horrified Alexis the
most. The entries just before the journal ended were mostly about how Peter
would force Zander to have sex with Peter's girlfriend while Peter watched.
And Peter had enjoyed describing how he had forced Zander into obeying him.
How he had threatened to leave home and attend an out of state college if
Zander didn't do as he was told. What sickened Alexis most was how Peter had
taken such delight in recapping how desperate Zander had been to please him.
How he had begged Pete not to leave him and how he would promise to do
anything Peter asked. And Peter had used Zander's fear and desperation against
him. Alexis moved to stand before Cameron. "Do you love Zander at
all?"
"Yes...I
love my son," Cameron whispered.
Alexis wanted to believe him, for Zander's sake. "Then find a way to show
him," she stated.
Cameron
shook his head. "I don't know how."
"You can start by accepting the truth," Alexis replied. She grabbed
the journal off the side table and held it out to Cameron. "Peter was not
perfect and Zander was not a mistake. You have to believe what you know to be
true, Cameron. You have to believe it if you want to help Zander believe
it."
"Will
you help me?" Cameron asked.
He looked so broken that Alexis couldn't help herself. She nodded. "I'll
do anything for Zander," she replied, then she wrapped her arms around
Cameron and held on tight while he cried.
*
* * * *
Zander
left town for a few days. Alexis had started calling him until he was driven
to unplug the phone. Then Lorenzo Alcazar kept calling on his cell until
Zander threw it off the docks. He knew if he stayed in town, Alcazar would
send someone to find him, and no doubt Alexis would too, so Zander simply
disappeared. When he came back home he was half drunk, which was his perpetual
state of late, and his clothes reeked of the perfume the woman he had slept
with had been wearing. Zander hadn't noticed it so much at the time, but now
it made him wrinkle his nose. So he dropped his duffel bag on the floor and
headed straight into the bathroom. He showered and shaved, more out of habit
than because he cared about the stubble, then he dressed and combed his
fingers through his hair. He figured he would head out to Kelly's for a
burger.
But the moment he entered Kelly's, Zander was waylaid by Alexis.
"You missed your last session with Dr. Baldwin," she stated, in lieu
of greeting.
"Nice
to see you too," Zander drawled back.
Alexis
wasn't smiling. She pulled a sheaf of papers from her briefcase and held them
out to Zander.
He
frowned at them. "What's this?"
"The paper work that will be filed in court, stating that Dr. Baldwin
recommends that you be placed in a rehab for no less than six months, unless
you resume your sessions immediately. As in today," Alexis explained.
"And I assure you, Zander, that whatever judge reads them, they will sign
off on them without even having to think about it. You'll be locked up and the
key will be thrown away, before you can blink."
"Bullshit!"
Zander didn't believe her. "You're bluffing."
Alexis
shrugged. "Fine. I suggest going home to pack. Someone will be coming to
take you away in about two hours." She made to leave.
Zander grabbed her arm, wincing a bit as his ribs pulled. They were better but
still sore. "Wait a minute. Why are you doing this?"
"Because you need help, Zander. And if you won't help yourself, I'll do
it for you." Alexis softened, one hand lifting to smooth a lock of hair
out of his eyes. "That's what friends do," she whispered.
"They
lock people up in the nut house?" Zander shot back, with a shake of his
head. "I don't need friends like that."
Alexis
nodded. "Okay then. Goodbye, Zander."
He blocked her exit. "Wait. If I go to a session today, you'll tear up
the paperwork?"
"I
won't tear it up," Alexis countered. "But I won't go to the
courthouse. For now."
"Fine.
I'll call Dr. Baldwin. But don't blame me if she doesn't have time to see
me."
Alexis smiled. "She's expecting you in an hour. I called for you."
Zander
frowned. "How did you know I was back?"
"I
have my ways," Alexis countered. "I am a Cassadine after all."
With that she patted his shoulder then headed off. But she called back,
"Don't be late. I can still file the papers an hour from now."
"Fuck," Zander hissed under his breath. He headed for the counter
and ordered a large coffee, black. To go.
*
* * * *
Zander
was pacing. He paced around the twin chairs in front of Dr. Baldwin's desk and
then into each back corner of her office, stalking back and forth like a caged
lion, then he would repeat the circuit. He had been there for barely fifteen
minutes and he was ready to climb the walls. He didn't want to talk to her
about anything. So, for the moment, a heavy silence filled the air.
Gail
shattered it. "It's not enough to simply be here, Zander," she
stated. "Alexis Davis can still file the paperwork to have you committed
to rehab if you don't start participating."
"Fine.
So what do you want me to talk about?"
"Peter."
Zander
stopped pacing and turned and shot Dr. Baldwin a glare that would have melted
stone. "Peter is dead. I killed him. End of story."
Gail
shook her head. "I know and you know there is so much more to it than
that, Zander. Things that you need to deal with."
"Bullshit!"
Zander started pacing again. He waited for Dr. Baldwin's snappy comeback but
was saved by a knock on the door. He watched her open it and was stunned when
she ushered in Alexis and his father. "What are they doing here?" he
demanded, moving to confront them.
"They're
hear to help me help you," Gail replied.
Zander shook his head. "Not happening!" he hissed, then he made to
shoulder past them to head out the door, but strong fingers gripped his arm,
holding him fast. Zander glared at his father. "Let go of me!" he
snarled.
Cameron held his son's gaze and shook his head. "I won't let you run away this time," he said softly. Then he firmly closed the door.
