The Hot Zone
Zander went back to work at the Hot Zone. He lost himself in his work. He danced and flirted and felt like a junkie craving a fix. He felt like this was where he belonged. He convinced himself that this was what he needed. He was good at it and he could see the desire and lust and want in the eyes of the people who watched him. People like Jax and Skye. At first Zander was surprised to see them there but it didn't matter. After the dance was over, Zander changed then he made his way back out to the main room and flirted with everyone. He let them buy him drinks and drank enough to get a buzz on. He even took a blue pill that left him feeling warm and tingly and horny as hell. By the time he reached Jax's table, Zander was ready to do anything. He smiled at them both then leaned in to kiss Skye, letting one hand slip inside the bodice of her dress. He felt her nipple harden against his palm. That pleased him. Then Zander felt a hand on his ass and knew it was Jax. He turned to him and smiled. "You're eager," he whispered, then he leaned in to kiss him and met Jax's plunging tongue with his own.
"I heard you're for sale," Jax whispered.
"You heard right," Zander replied. He eased back. "Talk to the man behind the bar. When you've paid, someone will bring you out back. I'll be waiting for you." With that, Zander was gone. He faded into the crowd, a part of him wishing he could truly fade away.
* * * * *
Jason had watched Zander. He knew the kid was self destructing. He turned to the man beside him. "So what now?"
Brad shrugged. "We wait and we watch. Zander is trying to self destruct the only way he knows how. In a weird way this is familiar and comforting to him. So he's going to have to push the limits and we have to let him. Zander has to reach the breaking point before I can help him. I'll know when he's there."
"You can help him though, right?"
"You know I can. But it's going to be tough love in the extreme."
Jason nodded. "Zander can handle it. He's a tough kid." No one knew that better than Jason.
Brad smiled. "He'll have to be."
* * * * *
Zander was drinking champagne when the door to the bedroom opened and Jax and Skye entered. He smiled at them then moved to Skye to greet her with a kiss. Zander felt her fingers slide into his hair and she was the one who deepened the kiss. He let her. After all, they had paid for the privilege to do anything they wanted with him. But Zander knew that Skye wanted him to touch her. He could feel the way her body almost vibrated with need. He undid the back of her dress and the halter top drifted down her body, baring her breasts. He broke the kiss to bend his head and lavish attention on her full breasts. Then he finished undressing her and kissed his way down to the folds of her womanhood, letting his tongue lap at her. She wasn't wearing any panties so he had easy access.
"Wait," Jax commanded.
Zander stopped what he was doing to Skye and turned around to find Jax already naked. He said nothing as the man came over and kissed him, then frantic hands were undressing him and now they were all naked. "What do you want?" Zander asked, once Jax let him breathe again.
Jax smiled. "You pleasure Skye while I prepare you," he stated.
"Works for me." Zander watched Skye stretch out on the bed and he crawled onto it and moved between her legs. As he opened her folds with his fingers he felt Jax's hands on his ass. And even as Zander pressed his mouth to Skye's wetness and nibbled on her nub, he felt Jax pressing a slick finger inside him. It wasn't long before Skye was screaming and gushing her juices into Zander's mouth, and Zander was moaning even as he lapped them up because Jax had found his hot spot. Then Zander felt the fingers slide out of him and a strong arm wrapped around his waist, hauling him up onto his knees, then pressing him down onto Jax's lap. Zander gasped as he felt the tip of Jax's cock pressing into him, and the stretch and burn made him hiss. Then he whimpered as he felt the hardness fill him completely, but the whimper became a sigh of pleasure as one of Jax's hands curled around him, stroking Zander's cock. He closed his eyes only to open them when warm wetness enveloped his cock.
Zander watched as Skye sucked on him. She was good at it. But then she was pulling off and moving over him and Zander gasped as she straddled his thighs then pressed down, impaling herself on his cock. He had been fucked before while fucking a woman, but never in this position and it was incredible in its own way to feel his cock so deep inside of Skye, even as the cock inside him seemed to press in deeper than ever before. Then Zander felt Skye's mouth on his and her tongue was in his mouth, tasting herself. And that was when Jax began to move, setting the rhythm by which they all danced.
Jax nipped and licked at Zander's shoulders as he fucked him, all they while sneaking glances at Skye kissing the boy, almost ravishing his mouth.
Skye moaned into Zander's mouth as the hand on her ass moved between her legs and he stroked her folds even as his cock worked in and out of her. "Fucking…perfect," she whispered against his lips.
And it was perfect, Zander realized. This was symbolic of what his life had become. He fucked and got fucked, and that was all there was, all he could hope for. He closed his eyes again and just let Jax and Skye take control. He felt Jax's release inside him even as he came inside of Skye. She had come first and then they ended up in a tangle of limbs on the bed. There was kissing and caressing and more fucking and then Zander was alone again. He got off the bed and grabbed the bottle of champagne. Zander guzzled it until it was empty then he headed for the shower. He stayed there until the water ran cold and then he got dressed and headed back out into the main room. He ordered a whiskey and downed it and when hands groped his ass, Zander turned around and kissed the guy. Didn't matter who he was. He took him into the back and gave him a blow job. When it was over he let the guy kiss him again, then he accepted the two hundred dollars that was tucked into the waist band of his jeans. But after the guy left, Zander crumpled the bills and tossed them away. Then he headed for the exit. Twenty minutes later he entered Jake’s.
* * * * *
Nikolas was surprised, and pleased, when he saw Zander enter Kelly's. He stayed at his table and watched him as he went to the counter and ordered a large coffee, black. To go. He watched Zander pay for the coffee then head back for the exit. It was then that Zander saw him. Nikolas held his breath, waiting to see what he would do. He exhaled as Zander almost ran for the door, then he stood up and went after him. Once outside, Nikolas caught up to Zander. It wasn't hard. Zander was just standing there. "I've missed you," Nikolas stated.
"Can't say the same," Zander replied, his voice tight.
"Liar." Nikolas always knew when Zander was lying. He moved to face him and was shocked by how worn out Zander looked. His eyes were shadowed and looked almost glassy. He was pale and he looked shaky. It was obvious he was suffering from a hangover, but it was more than that. Yet, for all that, he still looked beautiful and it made Nikolas' heart, and his body, ache. "Can we talk?" he asked.
Zander shook his head then winced. "There's nothing to talk about. I have to go." He dumped his coffee in the trash then strode off.
Nikolas watched him go, then he turned and walked away. Zander might have given up on them, and himself. But Nikolas would never give up. He pulled out his cell phone and punched in Brad's number. "We need to talk."
* * * * *
Brad watched Nikolas pace. He had listened to him tell the story of what had happened outside of Kelly's. "What do you want me to do?" he asked.
"Help Zander!" Nikolas shouted. "That's your job, isn't it? Zander is falling apart before my eyes. Why aren't you doing something?"
"I will, Nikolas," Brad replied. "But Zander has to hit the proverbial brick wall before I can help him. He's not ready to let anyone help him yet. And until he is, there is nothing anyone can do for him. You just have to trust me, okay?"
Nikolas sighed, then nodded. "It's hard."
Brad patted his shoulder. "I know. How are you holding up?"
"I'm making it day to day," Nikolas allowed. "I keep reminding myself that Zander needs me and that he's just confused and messed up. I know if I can wait it out...we can be together."
"I know he loves you," Brad stated. "He doesn't want to love you and he's all fucked up about love in general, but we're going to get him through this. It won't be easy though."
Nikolas nodded. "Yeah...I know. But it's worth it."
Brad smiled. "Hang in there. Call me if you need me." With that he walked out. Brad knew that Zander was close to the breaking point now. He just had to be ready to collect all the pieces once the kid shattered.
* * * * *
Zander poured himself a scotch. He didn't really like the stuff but the guy who had just paid five thousand dollars to fuck him, did. Footsteps sounded and Zander heard a knock on the door. He downed the scotch then called out, "Come in." he was more than a little surprised when Brad entered the room. "What are you doing here?"
"You missed your session today." Brad closed the door behind him. Closed it and locked it.
"I was busy." Zander noticed that Brad had locked the door. He glared at him. "I've got a client coming."
Brad shook his head. "Not anymore. It's just you and me now."
A smile curved Zander's lips. "That sounds kinky." He poured himself another drink.
"You've been spending most of your time in here, Zander. Fucking just about everyone."
"It's fucked or be fucked," Zander drawled, then he giggled. "Ooops...forgot. I do both."
Brad moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "You're doing this to keep emotionally detached, aren't you? I mean, these people who pay to have sex with you...you don't feel anything for them. No emotional ties at all. Right?"
Zander shrugged. "Pretty much."
"Okay. So could you kiss me and let me fuck you?" Brad countered.
"Sure." Zander moved to stand before him then he leaned in and kissed him. He knew that Brad wouldn't really follow through. He knew that this was just some kind of test. Nothing more than a game between them really.
Brad reached up to tangle his fingers in Zander's hair, then he took control of the kiss. And when Zander tried to break it, he shifted his body and pulled Zander down onto the bed, then he moved over him, pinning him with his greater bulk and weight.
Zander felt a flutter of panic as he looked into Brad's eyes. But then he reminded himself that this was just part of the game. That Brad was just trying to scare him. "You like it rough?" Zander purred.
"As a matter of fact, I do. Sometimes," Brad allowed. "That's the great thing about fucking another guy. I can be rough. Especially with someone like you, Zander. You're tough enough to handle anything." Brad eased back as he spoke and started undoing his pants.
"What are you doing?" Zander asked, even though it was obvious. He felt that flutter of panic again then reminded himself that Brad was his shrink. And he said as much. "You're a shrink...you can't do anything and we both know it. It wouldn't be ethical. You're just trying to make a point."
Brad grinned, a cold curving of his lips. "Did I forget to mention that I'm no longer a practicing psychologist? I quit over a year ago. I guess Jason forgot to mention that to you."
Zander watched as Brad freed his own cock then shook his head. "Bullshit! Dr. Baldwin signed off because you took over my case. You would have had to have the proper paper work and stuff."
"We fudged things, Jason and I," Brad explained. "And that being the case, since I paid for you, I can fuck you. Right?" Brad gripped Zander's shirt and ripped it open, bottoms popping everywhere.
"Fuck you!" Zander snarled, trying to scramble away. But Brad moved to straddle his hips and pinned him easily. "You're just messing with me, you sonofabitch!"
Brad locked eyes with Zander. "I've spent the past two weeks watching you self destruct, Zander. You're drinking again, I know you've started popping pills. All I have to do is talk to Gail and I can get you put in a rehab facility for a minimum of six months. Is that what you want?"
Zander glared at Brad. "No. I don't want to be locked away somewhere."
"What do you want?"
"For everyone to leave me the fuck alone!" Zander was angry and scared and confused.
Brad shook his head. "I don't believe you, Zander. You keep flirting with everyone. You're trying to wreck yourself. To prove to yourself that you're nothing but a whore. That you don't deserve to be loved."
Zander tried to push Brad off him but the guy weighed a ton. "You don't know anything about me."
"I know that you're scared and confused, Zander...and I think I can help you sort through everything. If you'll let me."
"How? By talking about my feelings and all that bullshit?"
Brad leaned in and brushed Zander's mouth with his. "By showing you the difference, Zander. The difference between love and lust and sex and fucking. I don't think you recognize the difference anymore. With everything that's happened to you, a part of you has decided you deserved it. That you're nothing but a whore."
Zander didn't want to hear this. "You're wrong," he whispered, but a tiny voice in his head called him a *liar*.
"Prove it," Brad challenged. "Prove I'm wrong, Zander. Let me be with you and show you the difference. Or you can try and convince me that you know the difference."
"So you're saying you want to have sex with me to prove some kind of point?" Zander was incredulous.
Brad smiled. "That's what I'm saying."
Zander laughed. "Sure. Why not. You said you paid for me. So that just makes you another customer in my book."
"So you'll do anything I want?"
Brad nodded and leaned back. "Strip for me."
Zander slid off the bed and obeyed, but he let his body move like he was dancing and it amused him to see that Brad was getting turned on. He looked down at the man's cock and it was hard as a rock. Zander was naked now and he moved between Brad's legs and took his cock into his mouth. This *lesson* wasn't going to last long. But he had barely begun to suck on Brad's cock when he was pulled off and pushed down onto the bed, on his stomach. Before Zander could react, he felt Brad's weight moving over him and then his wrists were cuffed to the headboard. Zander cursed at the fact that the damn cuffs were there.
"This is fucking, Zander," Brad stated, as he shoved a finger inside him.
"Bring it on!" Zander hissed, even though it burned. He was used to pain. It was familiar and, oddly, comforting.
Brad pressed his cock into Zander, but stopped when Zander hissed in pain. "Or maybe I'm the one who's confused," he said softly. "Maybe this isn't fucking. Maybe this is rape. Because fucking would be something you at least wanted to participate in. Right?"
Zander tugged on his restraints. "You talk too much!" he snarled. "If you’re going to fuck me then fuck me. You paid for my ass!"
"Yeah...I did." Brad shoved in another inch. "Is this what Arroyo did to you, Zander. Did he tie you down then fuck you hard?"
"Shut up!" Zander snapped.
Brad pushed all the way in. "Did you like it? Did you like the pain?"
Zander closed his eyes as he felt the hot sting of tears. "Fuck me or don't. Just shut the fuck up!"
"He hurt you, Zander. And he wasn't the only one. What he did was wrong." Brad pulled out then pressed back in. Slowly. "I won't hurt you, Zander. Do you believe that?"
"It's all about pain," Zander whispered. "If you don't feel the pain, you can't feel the pleasure."
Brad leaned in to undo the cuffs. "It doesn't have to be that way," he said softly. "Do you like sex?"
Zander laughed but it was a bitter sound. "Doesn't everyone?"
"You like being with women?"
"Yes." Zander pushed up onto his hands and knees then pressed back, taking Brad's cock deep inside him. He felt Brad wrap an arm around his waist and pull him onto his lap so he was now spitted on the thick cock. He realized Brad was still dressed, but that didn't matter when strong fingers curled around his cock and stroked him to hardness. "I like sex with everyone," he continued. "It’s the only thing I'm good at."
Brad stilled his hand and he heard Zander whimper. "Do you like having sex with Jason and Carly?"
Zander began to move over Brad, forcing motion between them. With Brad deep and still inside him it felt both too intrusive and too intimate. But he was foiled in his plan when the arm around his waist held him firm. "What do you care?" Zander snapped, in frustration. "And how the hell do you know about Jason and Carly?" He realized the answer even as he asked the question. "Jason told you."
"He wants to help you, Zander."
Brad nipped at Zander's shoulder. "You'll have to ask him that yourself. And you didn't answer me. Do you like sex with Jason and Carly?"
Zander tried to wriggle. He needed Brad to move. "Yes…I like it. I like them. Okay?"
"Will you move!" Zander begged.
Brad licked him. "When you answer me."
Zander didn't want to answer. "With Sonny it's just...I keep getting fucked, over and over again. That's all it is."
"So you don't like it?" Brad prompted.
"No." Zander tried wriggling again. "Will you move now?" His answer was that the hand on his cock began to stroke him again. But it still would not bring him relief. Then he felt himself lifted off of Brad's cock and Zander was confused. He was laid out on his back and he watched as Brad shed his clothes before crawling back up on the bed. "Are you finally going to fuck me?" Zander asked, but it was almost like a challenge. He just wanted this over with. Brad was messing with him, making him think about this and it wasn't supposed to be like that. He wasn't supposed to think about it. He wasn't supposed to feel.
Brad leaned over Zander. He let the tip of one fingertip glide over his face. "You're very beautiful, Zander. Do you know that?"
Zander laughed. "You're a funny man, Brad."
"I mean it. You're beautiful and sexy and it's not really a surprise to me that so many people want you, Zander. I want you to understand that. To realize that a big part of what happened to you is based on your physical beauty and the fact that you have a very blatant sensuality."
"So what are you saying? That I'm like a walking invitation? That I give off some kind of sexual vibe?" Zander almost laughed again, but he could see that Brad was serious.
Locking eyes with Zander, Brad nodded. "That's exactly what I mean." He dipped his head and kissed Zander. "Does Nikolas tell you you're beautiful?"
Zander shrugged. "He loves me."
"So that makes it not true?"
"It means he sees things that aren't there. Things that he wants to see." Zander would have said more but Brad was kissing him again. Soft, tender kisses that reminded Zander of Nikolas. Kisses that tasted him instead of ravishing him, and he felt himself tremble. After a moment of letting himself get lost in the feeling, Zander pulled away. "Are we done?" His tone was sharp.
Brad shook his head. "Not yet." He moved down Zander's body, biting at his flat nipples. "Does Nikolas worship your body when you make love?"
Zander started to curse but it turned into a moan when Brad licked the tip of his cock, teasing the slit, before sucking it into his mouth. At the same time, strong fingers gently kneaded his balls. Nikolas had touched him like that, worshipping his body, making Zander feel like no one had ever touched him before. And when he closed his eyes he could almost pretend that it was Nikolas touching him. Almost. "Fuck me or get out!" Zander hissed, his eyes flying open.
"I'm not going to fuck you, Zander," Brad stated.
"Fine, then get out."
He smiled. "I'm not going to do that either." What he did do was to suck Zander's cock into his mouth, nipping and biting and licking and sucking on it until Zander pulsed his release. Then he moved up over him and kissed him until Zander pulled away. His eyes were shiny with unshed tears. "What do you feel?" Brad asked.
Zander glared at him. "Nothing!"
"I don't believe you."
"I don't give a shit what you believe."
Brad shifted between Zander's legs. He had put a bottle of lube on the edge of the bed and he reached for it and slicked his fingers, then he pressed one, gently, inside Zander. He crooked it and found the hot spot and watched as Zander tried not to react. Try and fail. "When Nikolas makes love to you, he wants you to feel pleasure, doesn't he?"
Zander bit his lip as he was hit with another jolt of pleasure. Brad knew what he was doing and suddenly it hit him. Brad had told him about the rape but he had left one detail out. "You're gay." It was almost an accusation.
"Do you sleep with women?"
Brad shook his head. "No. I've always preferred men."
Zander almost laughed. "Those guys that raped you. Was it because you were gay?"
"Partially. They were my teammates."
"You lied to me." This time it was meant as an accusation.
Brad had been stretching Zander all this time, and with anyone else it would have seemed strange to be having this conversation, but Brad realized that Zander marched to a different drum in pretty much all things. He pulled his fingers out and lined up his cock, pressing in an inch before answering. "I told you the truth, just not all of it."
Zander hissed in pain as Brad pressed in another inch and the cock inside him went still, letting him adjust. The way Nikolas would. Zander closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to feel what he was feeling. "Please stop," he begged.
"Why? What are you feeling?" Brad countered, even as he gained another inch.
"I told you…I feel nothing!" Zander hissed, then as if to prove his point he pushed down, taking Brad deeper inside him.
Brad knew that Zander felt the need to control this moment, to make it just about another fuck, but he wouldn't let him do that. Not this time. He gripped Zander's hips and held him still. "My way," he whispered, then he leaned in to kiss him.
Zander kissed him back, wanting this to end. Willing to do whatever it took, but every attempt he made to rush things, Brad foiled. He made every kiss soft and gentle. He held Zander's hips to keep each thrust inside him even and deep and slow, shifting the angle so that Zander felt pleasure on each thrust in. And he touched and caressed him until Zander's skin felt ultra sensitive and he ached inside with a need he was afraid to define. And then he felt it, Brad's release inside him, and it brought tears to Zander's eyes because his body remembered this tenderness from someone else. And his heart remembered the love that had come with it. The warmth and security that had been given to him with no strings attached. His heart cried out for Nikolas.
"Zander?" Brad pulled out carefully, pulling back onto his haunches to study the young man. "You okay?"
"Just great," Zander drawled, his voice cold as ice. "Was it good for you?" He was trembling now with anger and he clung to that emotion like a life line. Anger was something he could deal with. Anger would get him through this.
Brad sighed. "I know you're scared of what you're feeling, Zander. It's okay to be scared and confused. Alot of people messed with you in so many ways."
Zander slid off the bed, taking a blanket with him. "We done now?"
"Tell me what you're feeling?" Brad countered.
"Fuck you." Zander moved to the side table and grabbed the bottle of Scotch. He brought it to his lips and took a long swallow, feeling the burn. It was better than feeling the other stuff. It was far too easy to close his eyes and remember every moment of making love with Nikolas. He couldn't let himself remember how safe he had felt. It wasn't a reality he could live with. Zander locked eyes with Brad. "Get out!" As he spoke he dropped the blanket and grabbed his jeans, yanking them on.
Brad got up and got dressed. "You can't deny what you feel, Zander. You can't lie to yourself."
Zander laughed. "Sure I can. I'm good at it."
"Let me help you."
"Get out. That will help." As he spoke, Zander hurled the bottle of Scotch across the room. He watched it crash into the wall then he moved to a nearby chair and heaved that into the wall as well.
For a long moment Brad watched him, then he left the room.
Through the two way mirror, Jason watched Zander trash the room. And when Zander sank down to the floor and hugged his knees, his body shaking with suppressed sobs, that's when Jason closed his eyes then slowly walked away.
© Shelly 2004