Zander wasn't sure why he was kissing Jason. A part of him was freaking out but another part of him wanted this. He wanted it because it was a distraction from the pain, and Zander was desperate to feel something else. Anything else. And this made everything else fade away. The realization that Jason Morgan's tongue was in his mouth, devouring him. That Jason's strong fingers were in his hair holding him fast. That it was Jason's cock pressing into his hip. It made no sense and Zander wondered if maybe he was going insane. But it made the lingering memory of the nightmare fade to black so he wanted this. He needed this.
Jason broke the kiss abruptly. "No," he whispered.
"What the fuck?" Zander couldn't believe what he was hearing. Then he was shocked by his own thoughts, by his own actions, and he fell back against the wall and slid down it, He was shaking and he felt sick. "Get out"! he hissed at Jason. "Get the fuck OUT!"
Zander pressed his palms against his eyes to hold back the sting of hot tears.
* * * * *
Jason left Zander alone. It was better this way. What he had done was wrong. Zander was a mess. It would have been so easy to manipulate him into bed. The kid wanted to forget what he was feeling. He wanted to think and feel anything else, and Jason had offered him just that. But it would have fucked him up all the more in the long run.
But that didn't change the way he felt about Zander. Jason entered his own room and closed the door. He leaned against it and pressed one hand over the bulge in his jeans. His cock was hard and throbbing and he needed release. But tonight he had almost given in to that need. So now he wouldn't give himself the relief he so desperately craved. Tonight would be a hard reminder of why he couldn't let himself care about Zander Smith. To do so would destroy them both in the end.
* * * * *
Zander avoided Jason for the next two days. He was grateful that Jason allowed it. The times that they did have to interact were painfully awkward. At least for Zander. He couldn't face Jason without remembering the kiss. Without remembering the way it had felt to have Jason in control of him in that way. Because that was what had happened. As desperate as Zander had been for the distraction, Jason had been in control the entire time. That bothered Zander. He seldom had any real control over the things that happened in his life. But he had control on some level, if only in the choices that he made. Be they good or bad, although they usually were bad. But Jason controlled everything in Zander's life in this moment. He had most certainly controlled that kiss. And that was something Zander wanted to change. He wanted control back. One thing he did not want was to talk about the kiss or the reasons behind it. He didn't even want to think about it. Although a part of Zander couldn't help but wonder why Jason had kissed him. It was just one more thing that didn't make sense and Zander wasn't sure he wanted it to. He was sure that his life would make sense again once he was back in control. Of everything. And he knew of only one way to do that. Although Jason seemed to have other ideas. At least at first. He had tried to get Zander to talk about Peter again, but had dropped the subject when Zander had slugged him. That he hadn't slugged him back, still surprised Zander. But he got the impression that the kiss had shaken up Jason as well, which made him rather glad.
So they gave each other space. But Zander was going stir crazy at the cabin. So he ended up going into town. There was a small bar at the end of town and Zander was content to drink and play pool. The first night he half expected Jason to show up and drag him back home, but 3 AM came and no Jason. Zander had gone back to the cabin and more or less passed out. The second night was a repeat of the first. Tonight, however, was a bit different.
Zander had already staked a reputation for his pool game and he had the locals lined up to try their luck against him. It made the time go by and it lined Zander's pockets. And he only got into one fight, which the owner had broken up quickly. No surprise since the guy was six foot six and weighed almost three hundred pounds. To Zander's surprise, he had thrown out the other guy before thumping him on the back and wishing him luck on his next game.
Tonight it was raining and the air smelled different to Zander. He listened to the thunder and it reminded him of the Garth Brooks song *The Thunder Rolls*. For some reason he had always liked that song. Not that he was big on Country music, but the feel of the song always made an impression on Zander. And maybe it was karma, but in that moment someone punched in that very song on the jukebox. Zander laughed to himself and reached for his beer. And that's when he saw her.
Joy, from the diner.
She was a welcome distraction. She liked beer and drank two bottles with gusto. She liked pool, and came close to beating Zander on the third game. She liked sex, and she let Zander know she wanted him when she stuck her hand down his pants then whispered that she wasn't wearing any panties under her skirt. From that moment on, Zander was ready to follow her into hell if she wanted him to. But she had other plans and she drove them to her trailer and led Zander into her bedroom.
They were both wet and it didn't matter. They shed their clothes quickly, eager to be skin to skin. Zander tangled his fingers in Joy's hair, holding her to him while he devoured her mouth, and he was thrilled when she gave as good as she got. He picked her up and laid her out on the bed, then he was moving over her. This wasn't about love or seduction, this was pure sex and when Zander touched her thickened folds, he found her dripping wet for him. Her legs fell open so he could move between them and then he was pushing inside, gliding in effortlessly, and when her legs wrapped around him, Zander let himself ride the waves of lust. But he made sure she found her release before he gave in to his, and when they collapsed into a tangle of arms and legs and she combed her fingers through his hair, for a little while Zander was able to forget who he was. And when he closed his eyes, he was able to sleep without dreaming.
* * * * *
Jason was angry. He had spent the past three days giving Zander his space. He had allowed him to hang out at the bar, drink beer and come home at dawn only to collapse into a drunken slumber. He had allowed it because he knew Zander needed time to process everything that had happened. Only he knew now that what Zander was doing was trying to pretend it didn't exist. He was trying to create a familiar reality by trashing himself, and tonight Jason was going to put a stop to it.
In truth it was early morning. Not yet dawn but close. When Jason pulled up to the bar, he wasn't surprised to find at least half a dozen cars still there. Since Zander hadn't come home, Jason figured he was passed out inside. Obviously he wasn't the only one. But when he entered the place and scanned it, there was no sign of Zander. Jason strode over to the bar. A young woman with fuzzy red hair was wiping down the bar top. "I'm looking for someone," Jason stated.
She leered at him then struck a pose. "Will I do?"
"Oh...pretty baby." She smirked. "I came up with that. He's hot."
Jason didn't blink. "Where is he?"
She sighed. "Gone."
"Gone where?" In about one minute Jason was going to strangle her. Maybe her bright, frizzy, hair wouldn't be so distracting if she hadnít bulging eyes to go along with it.
"Joy took him home. Lucky bitch."
Jason made himself relax his fingers. "Where does she live?"
Heaving another sigh she replied, "Trailer park. Blue single wide at the end. Slap her for me, will you? Joy always snags the hot ones."
Jason didn't reply. He was already heading for the door.
* * * * *
He crept in quietly and knew right where to find them. For a long moment, Jason just stood in the doorway, staring at them. They were tangled together on the bed. Zander's head was pillowed on her chest and she had her fingers tangled in his hair. Zander had one leg draped over hers and the sheet was barely covering him from the waist down. In fact, Jason could see the bottom curve of his ass and he felt his cock react. Then anger tightened his features as he moved to the bed.
Reaching out, Jason grasped the sheet, twisting it in his fingers before yanking it off. He watched Zander stir as the cool air hit his naked skin. And when hazel eyes focused on him he snapped out, "Get dressed."
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Zander snapped back, coming alert and glaring at Jason.
"I'm taking you home," Jason ground out.
Zander leaned over Joy who was sitting up. He reached for the blanket at the end of the bed and shook it out to cover them both from Jason's stare. "Get out!" Zander snarled.
Jason scooped up Zander's jeans and tossed them on the bed. "You have one minute. I'll be in the car. Don't make me come back in here and get you." That was all the warning Jason gave before leaving the room. He couldn't remember ever feeling so angry before. Zander could push his buttons without even trying. But there was something else niggling at him as well. Something he didn't want to define in this moment. The bottom line was simple. If Zander didn't obey him...there would be hell to pay.
Once he reached the car, Jason glanced at his watch. He actually gave Zander two minutes before heading back inside. And a cold smile of satisfaction curved his lips. Zander Smith had made his bed, now Jason was going to make him lie in it.
© Shelly 2004