Jason approached Zander carefully. He knew it wouldn't take much to spook him. So he didn't get too close, but he did crouch down directly in front of him. "What happened…none of it was your fault, Zander," he said softly. "With or without the amnesia, everything that happened was out of your control."
"Bullshit!" Zander lifted tear-stained eyes to glare at Jason. "I let people fuck me. I wanted it. I liked it." Zander shook his head. "God…I hurt Lucky. Everything I did...the way I acted."
"Lucky forgives you, Zander. Now you have to forgive yourself. You have to give yourself a break."
Zander locked eyes with Jason. "Why should I? I did what I did, Jason. Nothing you say is going to change that. I have to live with it." Tears slid down his face and Zander brushed them away. "I don't think I can."
Jason tapped Zander on his knee to get his attention. When the hazel eyes looked at him he asked, "Do you love Lucky?"
"You know I do!" Zander shot back, angrily.
"Do you love me?" Jason persisted. He had a point to make.
Zander nodded and whispered, tearfully," Yes."
Jason leaned in to cup Zander's face with one hand, brushing away a tear with his thumb. "Then do it for us, Zander. Let go of what happened. We love you and all we care about is that you're okay now. You're back and we can all be together again. We've lost enough time, don't you think?"
"It's not that simple," Zander protested, wiping at his eyes with his shirt sleeve.
"But it can be, if you let it," Jason insisted.
Zander shook his head. "I don't know how." Then he switched gears. "How did you know Jemal?"
Jason shrugged. It was a long story and one he wasn't fond of telling. But he knew he had to share some of it with Zander, and maybe it would help. "Let's just say that he tried to own me once."
"Did he fuck you?"
"Yes." Jason could be as blunt as Zander. "And I wanted him to. Which is different from what he did to you, Zander. You didn't want him to fuck you. You didn't want to be used the way he used you and let his friends use you."
Zander buried his face in his hands. "I'm so tired of this. I'm nothing but a fucking whore!"
Jason was angry now. He gripped Zander's chin and made him face him. "You're not a whore. You're a young guy who likes sex. That's not wrong, Zander. I like sex too. I've had multiple partners before you and Lucky came into my life. I've done things in the past that you can't even imagine. But it's in the past and I keep it there. You have to do the same thing. Move on...with me and Lucky."
"Help me," Zander begged.
"I will," Jason promised, then he bent his head and kissed Zander, lightly brushing his lips until he was being kissed back. Then Jason pulled away. "Let me get Lucky.”
Jason got up and went to the door. He saw Lucky sitting on the floor in the hallway. Jason smiled at him. "Come on...Zander needs you."
"How is he?" Lucky asked as he rose to his feet.
"Scared...but we can chase away the demons." Jason ushered Lucky into the room then closed the door.
Lucky didn't hesitate but went straight to Zander.
Jason watched as they hugged and it eased his mind. He had been afraid that Zander would insist on pushing Lucky away. Lucky was the person that Zander needed most right now. With that thought in mind, Jason slid out of the room. He would come back tomorrow to be with them, but tonight they would need each other.
"I missed you so much," Lucky whispered as he held Zander tightly.
"I missed you too," Zander replied, his voice muffled in Lucky's neck. "I'm so sorry."
Lucky pulled back and shook his head. "Don't do that, Zander. Stop apologizing. Just be with me. With us." Lucky turned but Jason was gone.
Zander noticed it too. "Why did he leave?"
"To give us a chance to reconnect," Lucky replied. And he was grateful that Jason understood them both so well. Lucky locked eyes with Zander. "Can I kiss you?" he asked. He had missed kissing Zander.
"Lucky.." Zander began, but he broke off at the look in Lucky's eyes. Zander saw love and warmth and passion in the blue depths. Blinking back tears, he leaned in and brushed his lips to his lover's.
Lucky moaned as Zander's lips sealed to his. He tangled his fingers in Zander's hair and deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue into the sweet mouth to taste him. And it was like coming home. Lucky felt his cock harden in reaction. "I want you so much," he whispered.
Zander nodded. "You have me," he replied.
"I want to make love to you." As he spoke, Lucky stood up and drew Zander to his feet as well. "Please…Zander," he begged.
"Yes," Zander whispered, and he made the first move by tugging his shirt over his head.
Lucky stared at the bare flesh revealed to him. He reached out and pressed a hand over the scar between Zander's pectorals. Then he shifted his hand so he could feel Zander's heartbeat against his palm. It was a perfect moment, but Lucky was on fire. He needed to be connected to Zander on all levels. "I need to see all of you," he whispered, as his fingers fumbled with the fastening of Zander's jeans. Lucky got them open then he was tugging them down the slim hips, smiling to himself to see that Zander wasn't wearing any underwear. He knelt to help Zander step out of the jeans then he kissed a trail up the strong thighs till he reached Zander's cock. It was semi erect and Lucky curled his fingers around it and kissed the tip.
Zander caught his breath as Lucky touched him. He felt ashamed to be naked before him, ashamed of all he had done in the past few months. But Lucky touched him as if he were perfect and worthwhile and that thought helped Zander to push aside his fears. "I want to see you too," Zander whispered.
"Soon," Lucky replied, as he stood up, but only so he could move Zander over to the bed. He pressed him down onto his back and moved between his legs so that he could take the now erect cock into his mouth.
"Fuck!" Zander hissed, as warm wetness surrounded him. He fisted his fingers in Lucky's hair and tugged forcefully, but with care, making Lucky pull off him before he exploded. "I want you inside me when I come," Zander whispered.
Lucky smiled. He wanted that too. He slid off the bed and shucked his clothes, getting naked before Zander could get up on his knees. Then Lucky was back on the bed and wrapping his arms around Zander so they were skin to skin as they kissed. He loved the way Zander kissed him. The way he would nibble on his lower lip then kiss him deeply, tasting Lucky with his talented tongue. They kissed until Lucky remembered he had to breathe. He pulled away, panting, the reached for the drawer in the nightstand.
Zander grabbed the lube from Lucky, squeezing some into his palm then taking one of Lucky's hands and massaging it into his fingers and palm.
"On your stomach," Lucky ordered. He was so hard and aching that if he didn't get inside Zander soon, he was going to explode just from the anticipation. Once Zander was laid out before him, Lucky took a moment to simply look at him, admiring the smooth skin over sculptured muscle. Lucky couldn't help but reach out and squeeze one of Zander's luscious buttocks, and he felt compelled to take a bite, eliciting a yelp from his lover. Then Lucky was straddling Zander's thighs, pinning his legs as he pressed a finger inside him. He crooked it until he found the spot that made Zander whimper, a sound so sexy that it zinged straight into Lucky's cock and made him twitch.
"Please, Lucky," Zander begged, as his lover tortured him with an overload of pleasure. Another finger slid inside him and Zander moaned.
Lucky stretched Zander, being careful not to hurt him, but he was aching to be inside him. He carefully pulled his fingers out then asked, "Are you ready for me?"
Zander turned his head. "Let me slick you," he requested. When Lucky shifted off his legs, Zander turned and sat up, then he took the lube and squeezed a liberal amount into his palm. He rubbed his hands together to warm it then he reached out and let one hand curl around Lucky's cock. Zander watched his lover's face as he stroked him, loving the way Lucky's eyes closed and he licked his lips.
"You have to stop...now," Lucky grated out, pulling Zander's hand off him so he could grip the base of his cock to hold back his release.
"How do you want me?" Zander asked.
Lucky smiled. "On your stomach. I want to stay inside you when we fall asleep."
Zander chuckled as he rolled back onto his stomach. But the laughter faded as he felt strong hands spreading him open. Then he felt it, the tip of Lucky's cock pressing inside him. The stretch of it burned and once Lucky gained an inch it hurt, but Zander took deep breaths and made himself relax.
"Do you want me to stop?" Lucky asked, feeling Zander's body stiffen. He knew it had to hurt and he didn't want to cause his lover any pain.
"No…don't stop," Zander replied, even as he shifted onto his knees and pressed back, taking Lucky deeper inside him.
Lucky gripped Zander's hips to stop him. "Wait...slow down!"
Zander shook his head. The burn faded as he adjusted to Lucky being inside him. This wasn't pain, this was pleasure. They were finally connected again and Zander felt a familiar warmth wash over him. He knew that it was Lucky's love for him and it was perfect. It was everything he remembered it being and more. "I don't want to wait any longer," Zander whispered.
"You feel so good," Lucky replied, accepting Zander at his word. He didn't want to wait either. Making love with Zander was always great, but now it felt beyond perfect. They had been apart too often for too many reasons, but now they were back together and Lucky would never let anyone or anything tear them apart again. They needed each other. They needed this connection to make everything make sense.
"Move…move," Zander pleaded, trying to shift his hips to take Lucky in deeper.
Lucky did as he was told and he pulled out to his tip, only to press back in slow and steady. He felt Zander's muscled walls closing around him like a suede glove. He wouldn't last long. Shifting back, Lucky eased Zander with him until his lover was in his lap, spitted on his cock. He wrapped one hand around Zander's hard length and stroked him, then he smiled as Zander began to move over him, setting the rhythm of their intimate dance. It wasn't long before Lucky felt Zander's walls clench around him as his lover came hard and long. Then Lucky was moaning as he felt Zander suck one of his fingers into his mouth, licking off his own cum. Lucky had to taste him for himself so he fisted his other hand in Zander's hair and turned his head so he could kiss him and it was at that moment that Lucky came and the intensity of his orgasm shook Lucky to his core.
Zander kissed Lucky as he felt his lover fill him with his seed. "I love you, Lucky," Zander whispered against the soft lips.
"I love you too," Lucky replied. "More than you will ever know."
"Thank you...for loving me." Zander felt infinitely grateful.
Lucky nuzzled Zander's neck. "Right back at you," he replied, then he shifted, easing them both down to lay against the pillows. Lucky was careful not to dislodge himself from Zander's tightness. He didn't want to lose their connection. Moving slowly, he reached for the covers and pulled them up over them. "Can you reach the light?" he asked.
Zander reached out, feeling Lucky shift with him. The cock inside him didn't feel invasive, it felt like a reminder of what was meant to be between them. But it was more than sex. It was more than love. Zander didn't have a word to define it, he just knew what he felt in his heart and in his soul. And he knew that whatever the future would bring, he would face it with Lucky. He reached the light and switched it off. Then he pressed back a bit, snuggling into Lucky. He hadn't felt this safe and this warm in a long time.
"Sweet dreams," Lucky whispered in Zander's ear, as he wrapped his arm around the slim waist. He smiled to himself when Zander intertwined their fingers.
"This isn't just a dream, is it?" Zander asked, his tone conveying his sudden fear.
Lucky nuzzled his ear then whispered, "It's not a dream, Zander. I promise you...this is the real deal. Now go to sleep." He felt Zander relax against him and he listened as his lover's breathing changed. And once Lucky knew that Zander was asleep, he closed his own eyes.
© Shelly 2004