Secret

Chapter 32

Lucky watched Zander sleeping. Two days had passed since Zander had tried to escape and had admitted to loving Lucky. Right after his confession, Zander had broken down and cried and Lucky had held him and cried his own tears. Then Zander had slept for almost twenty hours and Lucky had kept vigil. When Zander woke up he had begged to be released from his restraints and Dr. Weatherly had allowed it. He and Lucky had seen the change in Zander. A change that scared Lucky a little. It was as if all the fight, and the fire, had gone out of Zander.

 

At first Lucky had tried to get Zander to talk about what happened. Zander had refused. He said he just wanted to forget. But he had wanted to be held and Lucky had been more than willing. They had laid on the bed together and in time they had drifted off to sleep. Dr. Weatherly had told Lucky earlier that Zander was physically and emotionally exhausted and that sleep would be healing for him. Lucky had slept as well only to jerk awake when Zander had cried out in his sleep, trapped in nightmare. Lucky had soothed him back to sleep but hadn't been able to go back to sleep himself.

 

When Zander woke again, they had talked a bit about the dream. Zander had said he dreamed about Capelli raping him. It tore Lucky apart to see the pain that darkened Zander's eyes. He felt helpless. So he had tried to distract Zander. He had gotten him to eat a bit and to go for a walk. IT didn't take much to wear Zander out, since he was still recuperating from the beating had received. And that brought Lucky to this moment. Lying next to Zander, watching him sleep. Then he saw Zander's eyelids flutter open. "Hey...sleepyhead."

"Hey." Zander managed a smile. "How long was I out?"

 

"A few hours. You need it."

Zander sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "All I do is sleep. You must be bored."

Lucky shook his head and let his own fingers comb through Zander's hair. "I'm never bored when I'm with you."

"You're a sap."

"Pretty much. It's your fault."

Zander leaned into Lucky and kissed him. "Make love to me."

 

Lucky pulled back. He didn't want to, but he felt it was for the best right now. He didn't think that Zander was ready for a physical relationship right now. "We've got time, Zander."

"I don't want to wait. I want you." Zander let one hand roam down to press over the bulge in Lucky's jeans. "Feels like you want me too." A wicked glint danced in his eyes. "I can fix that for you."

 

"Later." Lucky pulled Zander's hand away.

Zander pouted at him. "I thought you wanted me."

Lucky moaned as Zander's teeth nipped his earlobe. "You know I want you."

"Then take me. I'll do anything you want. You can do anything you want to me."

"No!" Lucky hated the tone of Zander's voice. They way he sounded detached and businesslike all of the sudden. Like a whore offering a John options for his money. "Don't do this, Zander." Lucky slid off the bed.

 

Zander wore a wounded expression. "Don't do what? Touch you? What's the matter, Lucky? Not good enough for you all of the sudden? I'm not clean enough? Is that it?" Zander was off the bed and his body vibrated with fury. "I'm used goods, right?"

 

Lucky couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew Zander knew better than that. "You know that's not how I feel about you," Lucky shot back.

 

"Prove it!" Zander invaded Lucky's personal space. "Make love to me."

"You're not ready."

Zander laughed, a bitter sound. "Then fuck me. Come on, Lucky. Everyone else has. You took what you wanted the first time you fucked me."

Lucky froze and suddenly he realized what this was all about. Zander could no longer differentiate the people who had used him. And Lucky knew he had to include himself on that list. Zander hadn't wanted to sleep with him, but Lucky had forced the issue. He had forced himself on Zander. "I'm sorry," Lucky whispered. "Zander...I am so sorry."

 

"Of course you are," Zander drawled. "Can't say that I blame you. I'm a fucked up and fucked over piece of shit, Lucky. The only thing I’m good for is sex. I'm a good whore."

"Stop it!" Lucky couldn't stop himself. He grabbed Zander and shook him. "You're not a whore, Zander! You're a good guy who's been used and abused and none of that is right or fair."

Zander pushed Lucky off him. "I got what I deserved," he whispered.

 

Lucky saw tears slide down Zander's face and his heart broke into a million pieces. He cupped Zander's face in both hands and kissed away the tears. "Don't say that….don't say that," he whispered between kisses. "Zander...you didn't deserve any of what happened to you."

 

"I don't deserve you," Zander replied, his body shaking with repressed sobs. "Not that you want me anymore.."

"I do want you…god." Lucky took Zander's hand and pressed it to his crotch. "You can feel how much I want you. How much I need you."

Zander squeezed Lucky's hardness. "Please...please make love to me," he begged.

Lucky wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. It might cause more harm than good in the end, but he couldn't deny Zander anything in this moment.  And he didn't want to deny himself anymore either. Lucky began undressing Zander even as he moved him towards the bed. He felt Zander undressing him as well and they kissed and touched each other all the while. Then they were both naked and Lucky pulled back to look at Zander. "God…you are so beautiful," he whispered.

"I'm a mess.." Zander breathed, and he was shaking.

 

"You're beautiful," Lucky insisted. He saw the bruises that still marred Zander's ribs, but they didn't detract from the perfection before him. None of Zander's scars were flaws. They were just a part of Zander that made him so unique. Zander was too thin now, but his slim frame was still sleekly muscled and the skin though bruised in places was still flawless. And Lucky still had a fetish for Zander's freckles. He leaned in and licked a trail of them on Zander's shoulder. "You're perfect to me," he whispered.

Zander laughed, a choked sound, then he kissed Lucky, hard. "You're the one who's perfect and beautiful. And I can't believe you want me."

 

Lucky moved Zander onto the bed and crawled between his legs. "I love you," he whispered, as he took Zander's cock in one hand. Then he sucked the tip into his mouth and he worshiped the hard, throbbing shaft until his mouth was flooded with Zander's cum. Lucky then crawled up over Zander's body to kiss him. Without thinking he grabbed Zander's wrists and pinned his arms down so he could tickle kiss every inch of him, only to have Zander's body go stiff beneath him before Zander was trying to pull away.

"No....NO!" Zander hissed.

 

"Oh god…I'm sorry." Lucky let go of his wrists immediately. He should have realized that Zander would freak at being restrained in such a manner. "I'm so sorry."

Zander calmed down the moment he was freed. "No...it's okay. I'm sorry." He cupped Lucky's face in both hands. "Please...I want you inside me."

But Lucky felt freaked out by what he had done and he was afraid to continue. Afraid of what would happen when he tried to penetrate Zander. "We should wait," Lucky began.

 

"I don't want to wait, Lucky. I need you." Zander pushed at Lucky, rolling him onto his bad and then crawling over him. Reaching into the bedside drawer, he removed a tube of lubricant.

"Did you put that there?"

 

Zander nodded. "I was hoping you would me again."

 

Lucky smiled and tangled his fingers in Zander's hair. "I'll always want you. But we wait on this, Zander. You're not ready."

"I am." Zander pressed some lube onto his fingers and he worked it over Lucky's cock. "I need to feel you inside me. To know it's you and not some..." Zander broke off and his hand began to shake.

 

"It's okay....it's me." Lucky could only imagine what Zander was feeling right now. How dark his thoughts were. He took the lube and coated his own fingers.  Then he urged Zander to kiss him. Uses kisses as a distraction, Lucky reached between Zander's legs as he was straddled over Lucky's hips and he pressed them into the puckered opening. He felt Zander stiffen and would have pulled out but Zander pressed down and Lucky followed his lead. He stretched Zander open before searching for his hot spot. He swallowed Zander's moans of pleasure then he felt Zander pulling off his fingers. Lucky opened his eyes to see Zander shifting himself over his cock. He whimpered as Zander grabbed the base and then Zander was pressing down, taking the tip of Lucky's cock inside him.

 

Zander locked eyes with Lucky as he impaled himself on the thick cock. "I love you," he whispered.

Lucky nodded. "I love you too." He felt Zander stiffen and heard his hiss of pain. "Zander.." he began, but broke off with a moan as he found himself sheathed all the way inside his beautiful lover. Lucky felt Zander moving and he moved with him. Time lost all meaning as pleasure coiled deep inside of Lucky only to explode outward and he was screaming Zander's name. Then they lay in a tangle of arms and legs and Lucky couldn't remember ever feeling so good as he did in this moment. "That was beautiful," he whispered in Zander's ear, as the younger man cuddled into him. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Zander whispered, with a watery laugh.

 

"Go to sleep," Lucky said, and he watched Zander's eyes close. Then he let himself drift off to sleep, and he felt a ray of hope that maybe Zander was finally ready to heal.

 

* * * * *

 

Lucky came awake when a hand shook his shoulder. He blinked and found Dr. Weatherly standing over him. "What? Zander?" Lucky didn't have to look beside him to know that he was alone.

 

"He's gone."

"What?" Lucky jumped out of bed. He and Zander had woken up to shower and make love again beneath the spray of water. Then they had pulled on sweatpants, raided the kitchen, drank some sparkling grape juice then headed back to bed. Lucky remembered falling asleep.

 

Dr. Weatherly sighed. "He drugged you."

Lucky realized he felt a bit woozy. "How? And how the hell did he get out of here?"

"He's slick."

 

"How long has he been gone?"

Dr. Weatherly shook his head. "Can't say for sure. Maybe two hours?"

 

Lucky was scrabbling for his clothes. "I have to find him."

 

"Good idea. Before one of the bad guys do."

"Dammit Zander!" Lucky hissed, as he finished dressing. Then he was out the door.

 

* * * * *

 

"Double Jack," Zander ordered, as he sat down at the bar.

Coleman smiled at him and reached for the bottle and a glass. "Sure thing, Zander. Long time no see, kid."

Zander nodded. "Yeah...I've been out of town. You didn't rent my room out, didja?"

 

"Nope. It's still yours."

 

"Great." Zander tossed a fifty on the table and accepted the glass Coleman held out to him. "Keep ‘em coming," he said, then he tossed back the golden liquid, closing his eyes and feeling the burn.

 

 

Chapter 33